It begins before you notice

My future is art. I don’t know how or what, but I will find out.

I found this just now, written in one of my little notebooks from 15 years ago. The notebook records an encounter in the art museum, where I had retreated from a university event – I was increasingly finding myself abandoning the dry, straight lines and monochrome of seminar rooms, the absence of the poetic, and seeking out galleries, but had not at that point accepted my desire for change, nor my need for it.

I was standing looking at a wood carving  -  it was sinuous, glowing red and blue, moving, glorious, and solemnly, frivolously, beautiful. I felt a release, a relaxing.

“Hi, I’m Christof.” A young man, half of his head shaved, piercings along the edge of his ear. A shy young man, also looking. We share the beauty of the sculpture; how it creates more than itself, how the cast shadow, reflecting the dark pool back on to the pot changes its shape, misleads us, makes us see it differently. It reminds him of a snake, charmed.

He tells me how he loves this work in wood.

“Do it!” I say.

“I’m going to find out how to join a class,” he replies.

I realize that I am telling myself – if you love something this much, you should do it.

Later that week, I found a drawing class and joined.

my open studio exhibition, 2019

 Looking back, I can recognize a pattern in my small choices – of  where to be, of what to look at, of what to attend to. These choices were taking me towards this poetic life, long before I knew that I wanted it or could describe it.

Can you see any patterns in your own current life that might be leading you to something new?